I'm a weirdo.
But I'm okay with that.
Alternative title: How a weirdo was born ^o^
Sitting in class, trying to hide my tears.
Noticing that once again I haven’t eaten anything in over 2 days.
Another friend being angry with me because I haven´t answered in weeks.
A few years ago I was drowning in depressions (and other mental health problems). I consumed more and more social media. Sometimes I spent entire nights scrolling through Instagram. Because as long as I kept my mind busy the darkness wouldn´t completely take over my head.
The more time I spent on social media, the worse I felt.
People with one, two or even ten million followers. People that have a huge influence on the lives of so many people out there. Being role models, communicating a fucked up, wrong perfect image of what “having a good life” means.
Mental Health Awareness, Body Positivity & Self-Love?
No thanks, we´re preferring photoshop, making money with you & keeping mental health a No-Go topic :))
As someone who grew up gay, was bullied to the edge of committing suicide and never felt like fitting in anywhere, the perfect world of Social Media simply wasn´t for me.
So how come I´m now posting on Instagram daily, having a YouTube Channel and my own Website?
Because in 10 minutes my entire life changed.
I´ll probably (hopefully) never forget this one special rainy Monday evening. It already got dark and I walked home with my broken bike next to me. I used to love the rain. Because I wouldn´t have to be worried that people could see me crying.
Like every day I was super exhausted from another day fighting my demons, panic attacks hitting like waves and another friend I lost because I´m not the person they want me to be (aka. fitting in).
I stopped pushing. Laid down my bike. And sat down.
No one around (why would they, it was raining like hell). I started crying, my tears became one with the rain running down my cheek. Just sitting there and staring at the distance.
Wondering what to do.
How to find my happiness I lost a long time ago.
How to keep handling the pain and all the shit I just can´t handle anymore.
Why am I feeling so alone?
Am I the only fucking person on this planet that feels like being an alien, that struggles with who they are, that feels so damn lonely?
Why is there no place I can feel like it´s okay to be me?
And then my mind created a thought that changed my life
In that very moment, something very strange happened in my head. A thought, an idea, an inspiration, no clue how to call it, was created by my mind:
“How about … getting on it?”
I´m so tired of feeling like a weirdo. I want to start acting. Finding other weirdos. Being weirdos together.
How about … building a community of support and love. … Creating a safe place for people like me? … and getting through hard times together? How about… becoming a role model for all other humans out there that grow up gay, being bullied in school, feeling like they have no place to fit in?
How about stop being pissed at all the influencers talking bullshit about what life is and getting out there and making it better myself?
This moment changed my life.
It was like a spark inside me. A spark that carried motivation and joy and life and happiness. Things I hadn´t felt in a long long time. A spark that made me smile again, helped me to eat regularly and getting things done.
This may sound random. Why this sudden change just because of such a small idea? To be honest… I don´t know. I just know that it brought me hope back again and I wanted to do everything I could to realize this plan which not even existed then.
The idea of helping other people with the shit I went through seemed incredibly amazing. Becoming a rolemodel for struggling LGBTQ+ youth ... DAMN YES!
Of course, it didn´t magically make my depression or anxiety go away.
But it helped a lot to have a dream worth fighting for.
So what did happen with this spark over the past 2 years?
I became an Influencer
I started my own Instagram page where I talk about everything mental-heath & LGBTIQ+ related. Trying to help people with my personal experiences and being the role model I missed when I was younger.
Built a Community
I regularly do smaller & bigger projects where everyone is welcome to join. Last year I created a video message to all closeted people with over 40 other amazing rainbow humans. On this page, everyone can share their personal message & advice. And I create advice posts on my Instagram (e.g. how to cope with anxiety) together with all the wonderful 5.000 weirdos following my journey.
Founded an own LGBTIQ+ Charity
Having my own charity is one of the most exciting, most motivational things I ever did! 100% of the profit is donated to LGBTQ+ youth supporting projects. It's called RainbowWarrior Collection. I design own pride clothing and sell them in my own online shop ^-^
Yup, that´s pretty much my story.
If you can relate to being a weirdo, outcast, loner, or whatever…
… I’d love to have you join my journey. Because I think you’re pretty amazing just the way you are! ^-^
Follow me here on Instagram and let our journey start.
Your RainbowWarrior <3